to heal, there was a pain before
by LacieFuyu
Summary: Post - FB: The Crime of Grindelwald. About how the one left behind deal with the pain. Newtina (Newt/Tina), Minor Jakweenie (Jacob/Queenie), Minor Theta (Theseus/Leta). Brotherly Affection and Friendship. Edited. (First Part of As we tried to heal series)
1. Chapter 1

Newt sighed as they arrived at the British Ministry of Magic. After they went to Hogwarts to meet Dumbledore and gave him the blood pact that found by the niffler, Newt only stayed for a bit for the niffler then immediately regroup with the others. They still had to report about the event that just happened in Paris. Even now some part of Newt still couldn't really wrap his mind over what just happened.

Leta's death, Queenie's choice to side with Grindelwald and Credence who had been hunted, sought his true identity and then went with Grindelwald to had the answer.

It was a mess.

Newt looking at Jacob who sat on the nearest bench, he looked so devastated. Newt bit his lip, not sure what to do. He was never good at comforting people. He hoped he could say something but he knew no words would be good enough to comfort Jacob. He reminded Newt of one his creatures when they needed to be left alone for a while, so Newt decides to not approach him. Not yet.

Newt then glanced at Tina and felt a pang in his chest. His heart was broken for her. Tina tried to look strong and had it together but he could see through her facade. She was hurting. Queenie, after all, was her only family. It was definitely hurt her very deeply. Her pain could be seen from the taut on her face, the pain in her eyes and clenched her fist firmly that her knuckles start to turn white from the lack of blood.

Newt approached Tina and attentively touched Tina's fist. Tina turned her attention to him and stared right at his eyes. If Newt were being honest, he would always feel uncomfortable to look right on someone else eyes but Tina's eyes always have been pulled him.

 _Like fire in water, in dark water_ , Newt mused, remembering what he said to her in the French Ministry _. Like a Salamander's._

Newt tried to convey the feeling that he had, how much he loves her and how important she was for him. He would never let her be alone especially not now. Not after Tina losing her only family.

Somehow his feeling was conveyed as Tina loosening her fist and let Newt intertwining their hands together. Newt tried to give her strength through it as held her hand a little harder and Tina smiled softly at him. She mouthed thank you.

Newt smiled back, he was glad it somehow worked well

"Newt."

Newt turned to his head to the source of the voice that none other than his brother, Theseus. Newt noticed how tired Theseus was. He even more disheveled than Newt was. Newt couldn't help but worried over him.

"Theseus…."

"I am going to take care about Nagini and maybe somehow arrange a way for her to stay somewhere in London and have a proper place to live." Theseus glanced at Nagini who sat on the opposite bench where Jacob sat. Newt looked at her and couldn't help but notice that she looked lost in here. "And for Kama, the ministry decide arranged a floo network to send him back to Paris, or precisely French Ministry. They believe Kama could work something on their end and our Ministry agreed."

Theseus then glanced back and forth between Tina and him, then his eyes stopped as he looking down. Newt realized Theseus was looking at his and Tina's hands that intertwined together. Theseus didn't say anything, just smiled at Tina and Newt.

"You can bring your friends to your house, Newt. I already contacted MACUSA and they gave your American friend a break for a bit, so it should be fine if she didn't go back to New York immediately. I already arrange a floo network to your house. Get a rest all of you, it was," Theseus pressed his lips. "A tiresome day"

 _What an understatement of a century_ , Newt thought.

"And what about you, Theseus?" Newt asked, he felt uneasy seeing how tired Theseus was. He didn't like the look he saw in his eyes. His usual confident and playful older brother was not here, he could only see someone who was trying to hide his pain. It scared him. "You didn't look well and definitely tired."

"I have works to do, Newt." Theseus replied. He forced a smile. "I will be fine and find time to rest eventually. Just go home, Newt."

Newt noted there was silence dismissal in Theseus's voice. He knew that there would be no way that Theseus would be fine. Newt felt sad for the loss of Leta, as she was his childhood best friend and he cared for her but Theseus was in love with Leta, he couldn't save her even though he was there. Newt couldn't imagine how much pain his brother endured and he was worried also scared for his brother. He was scared that he was going something doing something dangerous and incredibly stupid such as hunted Grindelwald.

Newt watched has Theseus turned his back and slowly walked away. Newt kept watching him until Tina tugged their hands to get his attention.

"Newt, chase him. Say what you want to say." Tina said firmly.

Newt exchanged a glance with Tina briefly and then nodded. He let go of her hand and chase Theseus who about to enter the lift. He held Theseus's elbow to stop him.

"Theseus."

Theseus turned to him and looked startled. He definitely didn't expect for Newt to chase him.

"Newt? What are…..?" Theseus trailed off.

Newt swallowed the lump in his throat, forced himself to say what he had in mind.

"I know you are not fine, not for a while even."

"I will be eventually. Don't worry."

"The point is you are not. Give yourself a break, Theseus."

"I will. Eventually." Theseus replied.

"Yours eventually always relative." Newt bit his lips "Then, at least come to my house and stay there. For a day."

Theseus blinked. He looked surprised "What?"

"Please," Newt said softly. "Please Thee."

Theseus was startled at that.

Newt couldn't blame him since it had been a long time he called Theseus with that nickname. When their relationship was easier, when they were close before it grew more complicated because of circumstances.

Theseus looked like he wanted to say something but then stopped after he stared at Newt. He didn't know what Theseus saw in his expression but whatever it was, it made him stopped and nodded.

"Alright, Newt. I will."

XXXX

Newt, Tina, and Jacob arrived at Newt's house. He really never fond of floo and judging from Tina and Jacob's expression nor were them. It was already evening and it was obvious they need rest. He was about to told them to rest when a voice interrupted.

"Newt!"

Newt startled and turned his head to see Bunty climber from his basement menagerie. He was surprised to see her, it was already evening and she supposed to go home already.

"Bunty? Why are you still here? It's already evening."

"You were gone, I was worried."

"But I already left a note that I was going to Paris." Newt replied, confused.

"B-but," Bunty said, even more confused. "Aren't you still banned travel internationally? I thought you lied."

Newt grimaced. "It was complicated."

Bunty only nodded, unsure. She then peered at Tina and Jacob with curious expression it didn't escape Newt's notice.

"Ah, yes." Newt cleared his throat. "Let me introduce you to her. She is Bunty, she is my assistant to help taking care of my creatures."

"Hi, Bunty." Tina said, smiled a little and Jacob nodded at her. Bunty nodded and smiled back.

"And Bunty, this Tina, she is my-" Newt immediately backtrack when he realized he almost refers Tina as his, he didn't even sure what they were now. "I mean an Auror that work for MACUSA and the man beside her is Jacob Kowalski. He is a muggle. They are friends, Bunty." Newt added after seeing Bunty's frown.

Bunty once again only nodded.

"Do you already take care most of them, Bunty?"

"I do, Newt."

"You don't touch the Kelpie, do you?"

"...No."

"Good. Please go home, Bunty. You must be exhausted." Newt said.

"Alright…. I will go home." Bunty said slowly. "Good evening, Newt, and you two, Tina, Jacob."

"Good evening to you too, Bunty." Tina replied.

Shortly, after that Bunty left the house. Tina and Jacob immediately sat on the sofa in the living room. Newt went to his basement menagerie after gave Tina and Jacob tea, to take care of the tired niffler and put Pickett -with a little persuasion- on the trees with their families and put his case on his desk. He was going to give the kelpie ointment but he thought better of it as he was already so tired. Not long after that, he joined Tina and Jacob again in the living room. He sighed. He glanced at Tina and Jacob. It was obvious they were tired and need to rest.

"Hey, Newt." Jacob started. "Can I sleep somewhere, man? I feel really tired."

"Yes, you can Jacob. There is an empty room beside the stairs, upstairs."

"Alright, thanks Newt."

As Jacob walked upstairs, Newt added. "I hope you could have nice rest, Jacob."

Jacob looked over his shoulder and smiled at him. "Thanks, man."

Newt then turned his attention to Tina. He attentively approached Tina who still sat on the sofa, looking down on her lap.

"Tina?" Newt asked, uncertainty laced in his voice.

Tina raised his head, her beautiful dark eyes rimmed by tears. At that sight, Newt didn't think, he just instinctively kneeled down and put his own trembling hand on top of hers. He drew soothing circles on her hands, tried to soothe her.

"Tina?"

Tina didn't say anything but gestured for Newt to sit beside her, so he did. Time passed a little, Newt keep drew a soothing circle wand Tina stubbornly watching his hand kept repeating that.

The silence hovered them broke by Tina after a long while. She looked at him with unshed tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Newt."

Newt was not sure, what Tina was say sorry for and it probably showed in his expression because she chuckles at him.

"What I am trying to say, I am sorry for just not responding to your letter afterward…." Tina bit her lips. "I was upset about your last letter regarding of Auror. After a while, I thought I was being too childish giving a silence treatment about it but then the article in spellbound make me lost all rationality regarding you."

"I thought that maybe your distaste about Auror was trying to tell me that you are no longer interested in me. So I jumped into conclusion and…" Tina trailed off, gestured hopelessly about their current mess of misunderstanding.

"It's not fully your fault I mean…" Newt struggled to put his thought into words. "I mean, I am at fault too…. I should send another letter to explain more about it but I didn't because I thought I would only annoy you…. and maybe you just need time…."

There was an awkward silence between them. None of them knew what to say to each other anymore.

Newt was startled when Tina leaned down to his chest and started laughing. He was blushing in excitement and confusion.

"Ti-Tina?"

Tina grabbed the side of his coat as she kept laughing. There was a hint of hysteric in there and Newt was at lost about what to do. So he just did what his instinct told him, he hugged her.

Her reaction was to slides her hands on Newt's lower back, gripped his coat tightly and buried her face even deeper into his chest as her laughs slowly turned into sobs.

Then somehow it hits him, hard.

The feeling he had put aside behind in the aftermath of what happened to the people he cared for and loved. Leta who was his best friend growing up and despite everything happened between them, he cared for her once. Queenie, the sweet, beautiful and caring Queenie who only wanted to be together with Jacob and have a family like any other people. Credence who he couldn't save and desperately need to know who he was. Jacob who found his happiness in Queenie but lost her in such a way, Tina who losing her only sister and family in this world. Theseus, his brother, who lost Leta, the love of his life and endured his pain in silence.

The grief and sadness overwhelmed him. His body slowly racked as tears one by one fell from his eyes. He leaned in and buried his eyes on Tina's shoulder. He could feel Tina tightened the hold and so was he. They needed this, to feel each other presence at this hard time, not to be alone.

Newt didn't know how much time had passed when their sobs finally subsided. Even as they were no longer crying anymore they still remained in each other embrace, not quite feel to let go one another.

"I pushed her away…." Tina spoke up. Her voice was hoarse after she was crying. "Maybe if I willing to compromise… If I never let her feel so alone…."

"Tina you can't blame solely yourself for what happened… " Newt cut off, not letting her blamed herself for everything. He lightly stroke Tina's hair in an attempt to soothe her. "It was a lot of factors…. And she made her choice in the end…. "

"If only I could st-"

"Thinking of what if would only hurt you deeper, Tina. Grindelwald manipulated her, offered her something she sought. That time…. No one could stop her, not you, not Jacob…."

"I want to get her back, Newt…." Tina murmured. "I don't want to lose her forever…."

"And we will, somehow. I will help you, Tina. In anyway I could, to get her back from Grindelwald."

Tina broke off their embrace to cup Newt's face with both of her hands. She swallowed the lump in her throat, tried to stop the whirlwind of emotion in her chest and smiled at him.

"That means a lot to me, Newt. Thank you."

Newt didn't say anything and only smiled back. He noticed it was already quite late and they really _need_ to rest. He could almost feel exhaustion creeping on his back.

Newt stood up and murmured. "You are tired and so am I. I think we should sleep now. Tina, you can take my-"

"Newt." Tina cut him off.

"Yes, Tina?"

"What are we?" Tina said in a small voice.

Newt was speechless at that, tried to put his feeling into words. He didn't there was any misunderstanding anymore between them.

"I don't want to lose you, Tina. You are very important to me and I," Newt looking right on her eyes. "I love you. I fell for you since that time, when four of us tried to get back my creatures. It is the truth."

"B-but I know," Newt added hastily while avoiding her eyes and stubbornly look at the floor. "I know you are currently dating an Auror. And if you are happy, then I couldn't ask for better even though... I am not… happy. Even though we just remained as friend…. I just don't want to lose you anymore…"

"Oh, _Newt_." Tina murmured as she stood up. She cupped his face and raised it so Newt would look at her.

"I won't deny that Achilles was a nice person." Newt grew uncomfortable at the mention of the name of the man who dated Tina, he prompted almost looking down again but Tina didn't let him, she firmly made him keep looking at her.

"We went date for a few times but I was being unfair to him. I couldn't help but comparing him to you. He was nice but… he wasn't you and that was why we broke it off before I went to Paris. I can't play him like that, Newt. Because I was in love with you and still is, that was why I was being cold at you in Paris.

"That was why I was so emotional when I realized you wanted to say my eyes like a salamander because I know how much you love your creatures. It was probably one of the best praise I can get from you, Newt."

Newt could feel Tina swept away tears that fell from his eyes. He was full of emotion and all he wanted was to express the feeling that kept rising inside of him.

"I love you, Tina. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Newt. Can we start it from beginning again?"

"Of course, Tina. If you willing to have a relationship with me-"

"You silly," Tina chuckles. "Of course I want to have a relationship with you, Newt."

"That means are we," Newt gestured at both of them helplessly. "A-are we in a relationship?"

Tina gave him a watery smile and nodded. "We are, Newt."

He was so happy, overwhelmed by it even. _Tina_ , _my Tina_ kept ringing in his mind repeatedly like a broken record. He couldn't fend off the smile on his face. It had been sometimes he felt this happy even with sadness stayed.

Tina smiled at him and there was a twinkle in her dark eyes. He remembered the words he used to describe her to Kama when he searched for her.

 _She is Tall? Dark? rather_ -

 _Beautiful._

There was a burning desire inside of Newt to put their lips together.

"Tina, Ma-May I ki-kiss you?"

She smiled at his flushed face and nodded. She leaned in, pulled Newt's face closer to her and their lips met in the middle. Newt put his hands on Tina's nape and held it gently.

It felt right. It was like a missing puzzle piece found its pair. Like everything felt into where they belonged. He belonged with Tina. There was no other explanation except that.

They pulled back to catch a breath. Their gaze stayed on each other. He wonders how lucky he was to be allowed with her.

"I love you, Newt." She breathed.

"And I love you too, Tina." He replied, immediately.

After smiled to each other a little bit more, they decided to rest now. Newt and Tina bickered a little about who would use his bed. Newt insisted she used his bed and Tina insisted that Newt the one who used it and she could use a sofa in the living room instead.

Newt who was tired arguing about it finally suggested they sleep together. He immediately added that he meant sleep like just sleeping on the bed together when he realized how it sounded and could be implied.

Tina chuckled at his flushed face and agreed to sleep together.

Newt was looking her in wonder and bit shy to see Tina wore one of his pyjamas. Since Tina didn't have any clothes change, he offered her one of his pyjamas but seeing her wearing it made his heart beating rapidly because it feels so intimate.

He let Tina laid on the bed first. As soon as she was on the bed, she let out satisfied sighs that bring out a playful smile on his face. He chuckles when Tina pouted and yet patted the bed, tell him to hurry up.

Newt slid on the bed then Tina moves him to her arms. At first, Newt was surprised but she let him. He draped his arm on Tina's waist and pulled her closer.

Tina kept stroking his hair lightly and slowly but surely it started to lull him to sleep. Just right before really fell asleep, a certain thing popped up in his mind.

"Tinaaaa?" Newt spoke up, sleepily.

Tina who also almost fell asleep grunted. "Yes?"

"Don't call me Mr. Scamander again, at least not as you did... It felt cold and you are not cold…." Newt muttered, tried to resist the pull to sleep. "Tina is warm, always warm and safe."

Newt didn't know her reaction since he really couldn't really resist the sleepiness but he could feel her lips against his forehead and how she pulled him closer. She said something but he couldn't hear it well.

"…..ell, Newt."

Then he let the peaceful darkness embraced him.

XXXX

Newt was awake because of the smell of food that went to his bedroom. At first, he was confused why there was a smell of food when the realization dawned that was probably Jacob.

He felt he was being terrible if he didn't help him as the house owner. So he was about to tangled off from Tina who was still sleeping but then he caught a breath.

Tina looked so peaceful without her guard on. Not only she only looks younger but also looks even more beautiful. In sleep, there was nothing really weighted her shoulders, there was nothing she would have to be strong about, she just could rest peacefully like this. He really hoped Tina could always be this free but he knew the world wouldn't let it.

He carefully tangled off their limbs, so Tina won't make up. He fixed up the blanket to cover Tina and kissed her forehead after murmurs "Rest well, Tina."

He found Jacob in the kitchen, cooking. He awkwardly hovered behind Jacob before Jacob realized he was there behind him.

"Newt!" Jacob shrieked. "Don't surprise me like that!"

"I am sorry, Jacob." Newt said, smiled sheepishly. "I didn't mean to."

"Just don't do that again, my poor heart can't take any surprise for a while."

Newt smiled sheepishly and nodded. Jacob started to focus on his cooking again and Newt remained behind him awkwardly.

Newt noticed the dark circles below Jacob's eyes, not to mention his eyes were red. Despite how much he tried to look cheerful it was obvious he was still weighted by Queenie's decision. He needed to talk about it for at least feel bit lighter. Just like what Tina and he did last night but he didn't know how to approach the topic.

"You know Newt," Jacob said suddenly

"Yes, Jacob?"

"Queenie always loves the breakfast I made when she decided to spend the night in my place. We would laugh and talk about what activity we were going to do for the day. Sometimes we just talked about anything. Sometimes she filled me in about the wizarding world and sometimes I told him about, us, No-Majs, our activity and cultures. It should be boring for her to listen about No-Majs, after all, we are nothing special but she always listened eagerly."

"She always has a twinkle in her eyes when I started talking about it. She is genuinely enjoying my rambling. I was lucky you know to have her... loving everything I said and did."

Jacob turned off the stove and put the food he cooked on the plates he already prepares beforehand. He then brought the plates to the dining table. Newt still hovered behind him, still not sure what to do to comfort his friend.

"Can we get her back, Newt?"

"Huh?"

"Queenie," Jacob murmured slowly. He turned his back and faced Newt. His eyes already full of unshed tears. "We can get her back, right?"

"We will," Newt said, firmly. He remembered what he talked about with Tina last night. "We definitely will, Jacob."

"Thanks, buddy." Jacob swept away the tears that threaten to falls from his eyes. "I need to hear that."

Newt nodded and then attentively pulled Jacob into hugs. He patted Jacob's back to comfort him. Jacob's patted Newt's too in return and pulled back. "Thanks man, I really appreciate it since you are not really touchy-feely."

Newt grinned. It won't be easy for any of them but at least they stepped in the right direction. There was only one more person that made him stay worried.

"Jacob, did Theseus by any chance was here?"

Jacob frowned. "I don't think anyone was here, Newt."

Newt furrowed his eyebrows. He didn't like this because that means he has stayed overnight in Ministry, probably didn't rest or take a break at all. He bit his lips in worry.

"Theseus…"

"I am sure he will be fine, Newt." Jacob said, tried to assure Newt.

"It just, he- " Newt struggled to find the word to explain why he was this worried. "He is always the type that bottled up his feeling. Not telling anyone until he just literally too tired to function. Like after, after,"

 _Like after the war_.

The unspoken understanding hanging between them, the war was always had the devastating effect, both to the one who died and the one who survived. No one could escape that, not even if you were a war hero.

"Alright, I get it why. Maybe you can fetch your brother and dragging him here? I mean it won't hurt."

"Yeah, maybe after this. I am going to Ministry."

"Now wake Tina up and we can eat breakfast together."

"I am here."

Both of them turned to the source of the voice that none other than Tina Goldstein herself. She was standing beside the doorframe. A soft smile graced her feature. She was looking like an angel for Newt.

She approached Newt and kissed his cheek. That, promptly made Newt's face turned red. He in return kissed her forehead instead. They exchanged smiles and lost in each other until Jacob's fake coughing.

"Ehem, ehem."

Both of them immediately broke their gaze and turned to Jacob. He had a knowing smile that stretched on his whole face. Despite the obvious tiredness, he looked so happy.

"Finally sorted it out, eh Newt?" Jacob grinned.

"Yes, Jacob." Newt grinned back.

"See! It all works out, man!" Jacob laughed heartily.

Newt still grinning but he noticed that Tina stared at Jacob nervously.

"Tina?"

She didn't say anything but holding Newt's hand as if to give her strength. He responded with squeezed their joined hands.

"Mr. Kowalski I-"

"Hey, hey, doll. None of it alright. There was nothing to apologize about. You were worried for Queenie and rightfully so, it was dangerous she could be punished. Since I also was trying to protect her I get it. That was why I always tried to talk her out of marriage, not because I don't love her but because I don't want she got hurt." Jacob smiled kindly at her and then it turned a little sour. "Even though in the end she is not here….."

The atmosphere turned somber again. The gap Queenie left behind really can be fulfilled. It was there, waiting to be filled again.

"Still," Tina spoke up. "I feel like I have to apologize at you, Mr.-"

"No, no, no Tina. No apologize. Also, it's Jacob." Jacob looked at her kindly. "We are friends, so no formalities like that anymore, okay?"

Looking at Jacob's earnest expression, Tina relented. "Alright. Alright, Jacob."

"That's more like it." He smiled. "Now let's eat before my cooking become cold!"

So three of them finally had their breakfast. They exchanged conversation about many things. About his creatures, Jacob's bakery, Tina's work assignment. It was almost light-hearted if only yesterday mess never happened.

When they finally finished, Newt immediately takes care of the dishes and Tina cleaned up the dining table. They let Jacob take a rest back at the guestroom.

Newt glanced at the clock that hanging on the wall. It was almost nine in the morning. He knew his assistant would come around nine. He was going to check up on his creatures before he went to look up for his brother in the Ministry.

"What is it, Newt?" Tina showed up beside him. It was startled him a bit.

"Ah it just Theseus…" Newt shrugged, tried to hide his worry but Tina could read him well.

"He has not come here, has he?"

"He hasn't it." Newt puckered his lips, frustrated at his older brother. "Even though he said he will."

"Then what about we go to the Ministry. Forcefully bring him here?" Tina suggested, there was a glint that could be considered she was half-joking and half-serious. Newt smiled a little.

"Yeah, I was planning to. You want to come?" Tina nodded at him. "Thank you, Tina. I honestly think I need another people because Thee could be so stubborn."

"I see, I guess you two really are brothers." Tina teased.

"What is that supposed to means?" Newt asked, confused.

"You could also become so stubborn, Newt. Especially it involved everything you cared about."

Newt shrugged, he couldn't refute it. They transfigure their clothes to their usual one. He asked Tina to accompany him taking care of the kelpie; he had put it off too long. If he were being truthful he was kind of worried the kelpie would try to bit Tina and it was a pleasant surprise that the kelpie was calm in Tina's presence even dared he to say the kelpie liked her.

After took care of the kelpie, Newt checked on the niffler and the babies. The baby nifflers look well and happy but the niffler was still quite tired from yesterday event.

Tina gave the niffler dittany again to some of his wounds. The little bugger sounds pleased when Tina did it but not long after that, the niffler eyed Tina's necklace and before the niffler could take it, Newt stopped him and put him with others so he couldn't run away.

Tina found it amusing watching him tried to stop the niffler went after her necklace and couldn't really stifle her laugh watching the niffler looked so dejected afterward but after Tina promised him she would come again, the niffler's mood lifted up.

They went to the trees where bowtruckles lives. Pickett was waiting for them, Pickett was a little mad at Newt for left him there and refused to give him smile. Pickett was more lenient at Tina; he still gave her smile.

"Alright, Pick alright." Newt sighed and let the bowtruckles climbed to his shoulder and then went to his coat's breast pocket.

When they were back upstairs, Bunty just arrived. He told her the only one left to take care of was the hippogriff and after she rechecked the rest except the kelpie she could go home early.

Bunty was a little bit speechless but nodded anyway.

Before Tina and Newt left, they checked on Jacob. They found him asleep wearing only his shirt and pants while holding Queenie's photograph. Tina and he exchanged glances. Without words, Tina then used her magic to fix the blanket over him while Newt folded the coats and jacket suit. They retreated and closed the door very quietly to left Jacob sleep in peace.

He took his case and sighed.

If Newt were being honest, his mind was reeling on how to make his older brother rest. Theseus was stubborn. He won't just listen and being agreeable. He would push and dismiss him like he did yesterday.

"Newt," Tina spoke up. "It'll be fine. Let's go and fetch your stubborn older brother."

Newt looked at Tina and let out a sigh.

"Yes," He murmured. "Let's go."

XXXX

When they arrived at Ministry, it was full of people who just arrived and the lift was full of people. Both Tina and Newt inwardly groaned and just wanted to get out from the lifts already. It was dizzying experience per se.

As soon as their lift arrived in level two where the Auror Headquarter resided, they immediately stepped out of the lifts. They let out a sigh of relief in the same time and chuckles when they realized it.

They were naturally holding hand as they walked to Auror Headquarter. Some people whispered hastily, noticed they were holding hands. Both Tina and Newt paid them no mind.

When they arrived the Auror Headquarter was almost empty except several people who worked on their paper works. Newt was a bit at lost who was he should ask about Theseus until a voice called him from behind.

"Oh, what are the younger Scamander doing here?"

"Mr. Shacklebolt!" Newt said in surprise.

"Yes, younger Scamander." Shacklebolt grinned; He glanced at Tina curiously. "And who was this friend of yours? I don't think I ever saw her."

"Ah, this is Tina Goldstein. She is an Auror from MACUSA." Newt introduced her. Tina smiled politely and nods.

"Hoo an American? Nice to meet you, I am Alistair Shacklebolt." Alistair turned his attention to Newt; He raised his eyebrows, curious. "What business do you have here? You never going here except it is an order."

"Do you know where Theseus is?"

Alistair frowned. "Well he is in his office but- well."

Newt didn't like it. "What was that supposed to mean?"

"After he takes care about the Maledictus girl living arrangement…."

"Her name is Nagini." Newt and Tina corrected him simultaneously. It irritated them that people treated her like she was not human.

Alistair only raised his eyebrow at that and continued as if he were not interrupted.

"There was an attack from a fanatic Grindelwald group. The words about the accident in Paris are already spread out between his fanatics followers."

Newt blanched. "There was a fight?!"

Alistair nodded. "Yes and Theseus joined to do damage control. We succeeded but well few Aurors were injured quite badly and taken to St. Mungo. Theseus got hurt too actually. He got hit by stunning spells few times while trying to protect civilians or at least that what I remember. He is good at hiding his injury."

"Then, why Theseus didn't go to St. Mungo? Why he-" Newt struggled to put it into words but Alistair understand.

"So stubborn? Because he is the head of Aurors; If he showed any sign of weakness, our enemies could use it against us. That is why he is always bearing his pain alone and if he didn't consider his injury was bad he would just hide in his office, healed it himself. After Leta, she was the one who helped him," Alistair sighed, scratched his head. "But Leta is death, he ordered us to leave him alone and no one dare approached him after that. So we just let him alone there."

Newt and Tina exchanged gaze. Their expression mirrored each other, worry laced on their face. Newt swallowed the lump in his throat. "Thanks, Mr. Shacklebolt. I will go to his office."

"No problem, younger Scamander. Just take care of him." Alistair said.

Newt and Tina then approached the door to Theseus's office. He was almost scared with what would he found in the office. He took a deep breath and let it out. He could feel she tightened the hold on their hand, gave him the strength he badly needed.

"Theseus?"

There was no response. The deafening silence greeted them instead. The room was dark they couldn't see anything. A familiar and tired voice then popped up out of nowhere.

"Newt….?" Theseus said hoarsely.

Newt and Tina murmured " _Lumos._ " at the same time and they saw Theseus slumped on one of the chairs. They immediately approached him.

"Theseus…." Newt murmured as he kneeled in front of him.

His older brother only wore a white button shirt with several buttons was opened from the three-piece suit he wore yesterday and the shirt itself already look bad. He could see a hint of bruises from the skin that could be seen. He looked haggard despite there was only a gap of a day since he last seen Theseus. Also he noticed that his older brother's skin unnaturally pale and clammy. He kept holding on his left side and there was a nasty burn on his left arm.

Newt clenched his jaw. This was bad but he knew Theseus only would be difficult if he suggested to bringing him to St. Mungo.

"Newt." Tina called. Newt looking at her line of view and he saw a medicine bottle with label _Skele-gro_. He blanched.

"Theseus! You lost a bone?" Newt asked, concerned.

"Mm…. ah yeah, some of my ribs disintegrated inside. Nothing I can't handle though."

 _Liar._ Newt though. The obvious way he tried to hold back his pain and the trembles on his hands said anything but being handled.

"I will be fine, Newt. Just go home."

There was the silence in dismissal in tone. That was the last straw if Theseus didn't want to go to St. Mungo then fine. He would at least bring him back to home.

Without warning, Newt levitated Theseus which of course caught him off guard.

" _Merlin beard, Newt_! What are you-"

"You are going home."

"I am-"

"If you said fine, I am going to hex you myself, Thee." Newt glared at his older brother.

Tina chuckles as she opened Newt's case. She already understood what Newt going to do. "Listen to Newt, Mr. Scamander. He can be as stubborn as you, even more, when it's about the one he really cared for."

After that, Theseus didn't resist anymore, he realized it was a pointless struggle. Newt put Theseus on the hammock he used in the case. Newt applied Burn-Healing Paste on the nasty burn on Theseus's left hand that caused Theseus hissed. He murmured his apologise as he kept applying it until the burn only looked bright red of healing skin.

Tina found a blanket and covered it on him while Newt slipping a pillow behind his head. After they made sure that Theseus settled, they were going outside the case.

She let Tina going outside the case first. Before he climbed up he heard Theseus murmured something like "You." and "Care huh." Newt realized, maybe after this he better talking about to Theseus, about their relationship, about Leta's death. He couldn't let Theseus bottled it up his feeling anymore. It was too dangerous.

Like how he collapsed once, no one knew but Newt only. Where he fainted and developed fever all because he lacking sleep because nightmare that haunted him after the war. They never talked about it and pretended it never happened but It was truly scared Newt.

He didn't want to see him like that again. For a long time, he always associated Theseus as someone who never wavered and that time and that was the first time that he really saw a side of his brother he never saw.

They were close when they were younger, Theseus always willing to listen to his loves for his creatures but then as they grew up, they grew apart. Newt couldn't see eye to eye with Theseus's job most of time and Theseus also couldn't always understand why his younger brother always risked his life for his creatures. Their relationship grew complicated and he pushed Theseus away even though his older brother does try to make amend, to build a new bridge.

 _We couldn't keep doing this._ Newt thought as he closed the case. _Or else, I am going to really lose, Thee._

He looked up and found Tina watched him with a wistful smile, like she understood something he didn't know. She offered her hand that he took gratefully but what he didn't expect that she pulled him into her arms.

"He will be fine, Newt." She murmured against his ears. "Both of you will be fine."

He wondered maybe because Tina was also an older sibling, she could see the strained relationship between them and maybe that was why she knew that this was what he needed to hear.

He buried his face on her strong shoulder and sighed.

"I really hope so, Tina."

XXXX

It was taking few days for Theseus actually doing better. After they made it home, Theseus developed a fever that really scared Newt off. They made sure to wake Theseus at times to drink so he could drink the Skele-gro also Pepperup potion to cures his fever.

He barely got asleep, he only went to sleep after being coaxed by both Tina and Jacob. They promised would look over Theseus when he was asleep.

Besides caring for his older brother, he also still checking over his creatures. Tina was also helping taking cares his creatures and most of them still recognized here from the last year. Dougal was the happiest at seeing her.

Her knowledge over his creatures was quite well. Tina told him that she already read his book and that was why she has recognised the description he had about her eyes and getting well versed how to take cares his creatures.

Newt was happy to hear that but also it reminded him about a certain first printed book that he saved to give to Tina. He knew she already read it but he still wanted to give it to her later.

Meanwhile, Jacob was trusted by Newt to fed the mooncalves that earned smiles since Jacob was really fond of them and likewise.

With Tina, Jacob and Bunty helping to take care his creatures it helped him to reduce some weight on his shoulder but the worry over his brother won't be gone until he was sure Theseus going to be alright.

It was the fourth day, precisely in the crack of dawn when Theseus's fever broke and he finally was woken up from his restless slumber. At first, Newt didn't realize Theseus already waken up since he just hovered blanket on Tina who slept on the makeshift bed they made In his bedroom but his brother hoarse voice startled him.

"…..Newt?"

"Thee!" Newt whispered happily. He immediately approached his brother who little startled. He touched Theseus's forehead to made sure the fever was really broke.

When he saw Theseus touched his throat indicated he was thirsty, Newt immediately took the glass of water on the nightstand and helped him to drink. He helped Theseus to sit and adjusted the pillow behind his back to make him more comfortable.

Neither of them saying anything, instead, uncomfortable silence blanketed them. Newt wanted to say something but he was afraid Theseus won't get what he means.

His mind recalled what Tina and he talked two days ago when they fed the occamies with Douglas help. He asked her how he should talk to his brother.

" _Tell me about him and his relationship with you, Newt. You only said it was complicated but it didn't really explain anything."_

 _So Newt told her. He told her about how close they used to be, how they grew apart as they grew up, the disagreement about Theseus's work and Newt's lack of self-preservation when it's about his creatures and how he pushed away Theseus even though he did keep trying to build the bridge back._

 _She listened to him carefully. There was no judgment in her eyes as he told her about it. There was something like an understanding instead. When he finished she gave him a little smile._

" _It sure is complicated."_

 _Newt nodded. "It truly is."_

" _You know Newt," Tina spoke up as she let Douglas sat on her lap. "I can understand your brother in some level."_

" _How?" Newt asked she looked at her curiously._

" _Because he is the older one and so am I." She smiled but a wistful one, probably thinking about Queenie._

" _Being older means we have to be the responsible one. That was why I always been the stricter one." Tina mused and then her expression turned a little somber. "That was why I was so upset with Queenie because what she did could cause her to be punished. She was my baby sister, I want her always to be safe."_

" _Tina…"_

" _It's fine, Newt. I will definitely get her back. I am going to set everything back."_

 _Newt couldn't say anything to that so he sat closer to her, hoping his presence helping eased her pain._

" _Anyway about your brother, I think he hid his pain like that because he didn't want anyone to worry, least of all you. He probably thought it was his job to protect and take care of you, not the other way around. After all, you are his little brother."_

" _Also," Tina added. "I understand why he couldn't exactly approve your job. I love you, Newt. For who you are and your loves for your creatures I would never love you any less for it but you really can be lacking self-preservation when it comes about helping your creatures, he probably worry one day he would received a news you were badly injured or worse, death. He is your older brother after all, he was probably just being protective."_

 _Newt couldn't refute her words. Tina had a point. Theseus was really protective since they were children and Newt knew he could be a type that jumps to danger without slightest doubt if circumstances warranted._

" _So what should I do, Tina?"_

" _Be truthful to him. I don't think he realized you cared for him that much. There would be nothing to change if you two couldn't lay out what truly the problem between you two." Tine answered. "Also, I am quite sure your brother hasn't really let himself grieved. Don't push him but tried to talk about it."_

 _Newt let her words sink in his mind. He considered her every word and started to emulate a way to bring the topic up._

" _And, do you know what every weakness of older sibling?" Tina asked. There was a twinkle in her eyes that made Newt sure the answer was obvious to her._

" _I don't know…"_

 _Tina chuckles and smiled sweetly at him. "Simple really. It's their younger sibling. That's why Newt, if you talked with him, he would relent eventually. It just the way of an older sibling who loves their younger sibling made. Both of you will be fine."_

"….You should just leave me in the office. I would be fine eventually."

That snapped Newt out of his reverie. He immediately glared at him.

"You were in bad shape and developed a fever. If we didn't, who would take care of you? I would probably get a news you were in St. Mungo."

"Well, that way I won't be a burden like this," Theseus said quietly.

"…..Burden." Newt repeated the word monotonously. Not happy to hear that. Theseus didn't notice that and continued.

"It's not your job to looking out for me. It's mine." Theseus added wearily. "I am going to leave as s-"

"No." Newt cut him off. "Don't dare you, Thee. You are still not quite recovered yet."

Theseus stared at him, surprised. "…You called me with that nickname."

"I used to call you that all the time, Theseus."

"Yes, but it was when we were younger. I thought…. I thought you would never call me with that nickname again." Theseus admitted with an uncharacteristically small voice.

It hurt Newt a little. He realised their relationship was complicated but he didn't it was quite bad. Newt only had one thing in mind to say to him.

"I am sorry, Theseus."

"Whatever for?" Theseus frowned.

"For letting our relationship going this badly, for pushed you away, for not trying to understand your position. I am truly sorry."

Judging from Theseus's expression, Newt knew his older brother didn't expect that at all. He continued.

"I don't hate you or anything, Theseus. I never hate you. I just never fond about your job even Tina was mad when I called Aurors as ' _a bunch of careerist hypocrites'._ " He air quoted it with his fingers that earned a chuckle from Theseus.

"I know you are not the type to use your position or power that way but at that time I had only seen the worst of that career. It was not about you personally, it never was but it did hinder me to be close to you again." Newt admitted.

"Also, ever since you trained to become an Auror you were slowly getting distant because it took almost all your attention and I blamed that job for taking away my older brother. One thing led to another thing and then you didn't exactly approve my job as Magizoologist that only worsen it.

"You always trying to make amend thought but it was me who kept avoiding it." Newt them looking directly at Theseus who watching him with an expression of disbelief. "But Theseus, never once I ever stop caring and love you. You are my brother. I will always care and love you. Never doubt that, Thee."

"…That was the longest I ever heard you talking."

Newt groaned and gestured helplessly. "That what you got from I said?"

"No, I mean, I am just surprised. I never expect that you know." Theseus smiled softly at him.

"I've been thinking what to say to you for a few days." Newt shrugged.

It was until sometime that Theseus finally said something to broke the silence.

"I thought you were no longer care for me you know." Theseus murmured. "When you keep rejecting the dinner or even to look at me at all, it did hurt. You are my little brother I will always care and loves you but I always miss the times when we were close."

"Leta," Theseus said with a pained expression. "Leta once said that she was sure you still cared for me and I didn't quite believe her but I shouldn't underestimate a woman instinct huh."

Theseus chuckles but Newt noticed he try to hide his pain. He bit his lips at that.

"Thank you, Newt. That means a lot."

Newt nodded at him. He looked at Theseus uncertainly but finally resolved to bring it up.

"About Leta…"

"Newt." Theseus warned.

"I know, I know…" Newt replied, he took his hands and held. "But please listen to me."

Theseus didn't say anything but his expression was turned to be unreadable. Newt was not sure this was the right move but he continued.

"Leta is death," Theseus winced at that and Newt started drawing soothing circles with his thumb to calm him down. "I can't imagine how much pain you are in but please don't hide it. Talk to me every time you need it, grieved for her instead bottled it up. She was my best friend, if you need someone to talk about her I will be here."

"Also," He added. "Please don't do anything reckless like chasing after Grindelwald. He is too strong, you could die."

"It's not like I fear death…."

Newt blanched and shook his head frantically. "Please don't say that."

Theseus didn't say anything but he refused to look directly at Newt. It scared him because he made that face, the same one when they saw Leta was death. Someone who was going to let death took him away.

"Theseus–please," Newt begged. "Leta didn't die for you to say that. She saved us so we can live. Please, Thee don't…." Newt stopped when he realized what he saw.

His brother was crying. He didn't make a sound and just letting the tears fell freely. He bit his lips as if to hold back the sobs but it fell even harder. Newt could feel the pang in his chest seeing that. His brother was many things, he was Chief Head of Aurors, a War Hero, a protector who always stood still and never wavered. To see him in pain like also hurt him, so he did what he did yesterday. He hugged him.

Theseus hugged him back, hard. As if he tried to hang on and Newt hugged him even tighter as Theseus cried silently against his shoulder. Between his cries, he could hear Theseus words.

 _I miss her._

 _I love her._

 _I don't want to lose her._

 _Why couldn't I save her?_

"Oh, Theseus… It's not your fault." Newt whispered. "Leta wanted to save you because she loved you."

Theseus didn't respond and kept cry his heart out. Newt kept stroking his brother's head, tried to soothe him. Slowly his cries subsided until stopped completely. Exhaustion that hit him after crying wore him out, so he offered him a potion for a dreamless sleep that Theseus accepted. As soon as he drank it, Newt helped him to land on his back. Theseus muttered his thanks and covered his eyes with his arms.

For a bit, he thought Theseus was already asleep but suddenly Theseus called him.

"….Newt."

"What is it, Theseus?"

"…..Promise me you won't go somewhere I can't follow." He said quietly.

Newt almost cried at that but he used his willpower to not cry and replied.

"I won't. I promise, Thee."

XXXX

Two days later Theseus finally complete healed. If Newt were being honest, he didn't feel fine saw his brother immediately went back to work but he understand it was his way to feel everything was normal. So he let him in exchange he stayed with Newt temporarily and Theseus who not feel ready to come back to his home yet agreed.

Later Theseus asked Tina and Jacob what would they do now. He could arrange a floo to New York if they wanted to come back there. Jacob was not sure whether he wanted to go back to America yet. He felt he would be missing Queenie that sentiment could be understood by Tina but she knew she had to go back to MACUSA after all she was their Auror.

Theseus offered Tina a position in his department. They needed more people after losing quite many in a confrontation with Grindelwald. Tina accepted it and grateful for the offer.

Meanwhile Theseus offered Jacob a chance to open a bakery in Diagon Alley, he knew a friend who needed a partner to run a bakery together and he would help taking care a way to have his bakery in New York to work and maybe inherited it to someone if he didn't plan to go back there anytime soon.

Jacob was grateful for and kept thanking him. He only replied that Tina and Jacob were already families anyway since Newt considers them as people who precious to him.

They decide to live together in Newt's home and they made some adjustment but everything worked well.

They had a routine where after they went home from work, they were always had dinner. Sometimes they invited Nagini who finally settled in some kind of normal life as long as she could have, to dinner. Dinner always was a chance to talk about everything happened that day, to complain about work, to enjoy food and everything else.

Leta's death and Queenie's absent still left a hole in their chest but at least they had each other.

For now, that was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

There is a companion fic to 'to heal, there was pain before'

The focus would be on the Scamander brothers with Theseus/Leta and Newtina there. Enjoy your ride to (hell)!

Check my profile to find it ^^

Thank you for reading this fic. That means a lot for me.

-LacieFuyu


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